It’s no secret that our society idealizes love. We have these expectations of what love should be, how it should feel, what it looks like. Then maybe we find ourselves in a relationship and feel a little frustrated and disappointed when reality doesn’t quite align with that vision.
Here’s the thing: good relationships don’t always feel all that good. It’s not for the same reason that bad relationships don’t make you feel good, though.
Bad relationships are the ones filled with all the drama. The highs are higher and the lows are lower. A bad relationship can be anything from a toxic, codependent situation to a man who won’t commit in a significant way but somehow has you hooked, or a match that is simply incompatible.
These “bad relationships” are a great escape from real life. They give you the chance to lose yourself in someone else’s drama… or your own created drama. When you’re spending hours trying to figure out how he feels…where this is going… what he meant when he said X…why he’s taking so long to text back, you don’t really have to face yourself. You lose yourself in the emotional high of it all. This happens even more so if your guy has a lot of emotional baggage. Investing in his problems is like a vacation from dealing with your own.
But in a good relationship… a relationship where you’re on the same page, when you aren’t waiting anxiously for the next text, a relationship where you just know how he feels and there is zero need to question or wonder (and doing so would almost feel ridiculous)… well those are the relationships that bring you face to face with who you truly are. Sometimes they will bring out the best in you because we all have inherent goodness within us. And sometimes they will bring out the worst in you because a lot of us have been burned in the past or are holding onto traumas from the past that we didn’t even realize were still buried within us.
Sometimes there will be nothing wrong in the relationship but you will feel sad or anxious or upset. You won’t be able to blame this on the fact that he didn’t call or text or that you’re not his girlfriend or he hasn’t said I love you because he never leaves you hanging….he was proud to call you his girlfriend…he adores you and you know he does.
The feelings aren’t coming from him; they’re coming from you. If you’ve been hurt in the past, these feelings of unease are your deep-seated trust issues coming to the surface. If you can’t seem to trust that he’ll be there for you, then out come the fears of abandonment.
In a good relationship, your actions, your mindset, your behavior, the things you say, and so forth all impact someone else. Sometimes you will really hurt them and will realize how insensitive you can be. Sometimes you won’t recognize that he had a really tough day and needs your support because you’re stuck in your own head and consumed with your own issues. Sometimes he’ll say something innocent and it will become a huge fight because that innocent comment hit an open wound that you didn’t even know existed.
Love forces you to face yourself. Love brings up all that is unloved within us. And you can’t hide who you are when you are in a good, loving relationship. Instead you are forced to face it and deal with it. Your partner will always reflect back who you really are (and vice versa).